If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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