About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
