Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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