So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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