nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
