you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We just shotgunned beers for America
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize