Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
