He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
false alarm, still single
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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