the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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