Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
