My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she peed on how many people?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
