No stitches, just platelets and will power
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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