i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
