I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
my poor anus
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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