i love accidental penises.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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