i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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