genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
