here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
