half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
