Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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