I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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