dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize