If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
