You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
