I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
