another moral hangover. fuck.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
