i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
