I've blown a few things in my day
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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