i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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