I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize