i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
