He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
