Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
