the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
