Pappa wants mamma naked
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
