Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
