allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
