he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
