so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
