and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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