we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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