Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
