question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
