I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
