I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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