Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
