sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
