Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's blow job season.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
