Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize