we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
