Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
