I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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