i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
