Where did you get a picture of my penis
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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