; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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