Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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