she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
