Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
