"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Welp...herpes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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