I love black thongs
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
