They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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