dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
