I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
