she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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