And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I want you more than these girls want KFC
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
