its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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