R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
