here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
