If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Someone came in the potted fern
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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