Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
