I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
