I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
